one year for christmas, i printed and framed copies of this photo as gifts for my siblings. i have one too... it's in a box in a closet around here somewhere.
i haven't talked to my mother for two years or so, and haven't seen her in five. to be clear, this is my choice. i realized that i needed to walk away, at least temporarily, from our relationship for the benefit of my own mental health. i've not yet seen any need to go back, though i am open to the idea that may happen in the future.
there are a lot of little things that i could say were "wrong" in our relationship, and lots of places where i could place blame, but it's not really about any of that anymore. for me, it is about doing what is best for my children and my family. in this case, providing a life where family is a safe place.
a lot in my life would be different without my mother, in ways good and bad. she taught me how to sew, and that counts for a lot in my world. she made amazing clothing for my siblings and me when we were kids and taught me how to use a sewing machine, how to paper piece quilt blocks, and to not be scared of trying something new.
i hope that wherever she is today, she has a happy birthday. i hope that she can find the strength to trust herself and move past her own demons. in a mixed-up way, i suppose, i hope she can make some peace with the fact that we don't have a relationship.
then there's this guy...
my love, my favorite person in the whole world, the one who makes me smile, makes bad days ok and good days great. the person without whom i'd never be able to do all that i do (he's my secret weapon!), he's my mr. gnats and i'm proud to be his mrs.
perhaps most importantly, he's the person who knows before i do that the quilt i'm making for his birthday has zero chance of being finished in time ;) i love you, Nick.
happy november 30, friends.
ps. i'm closing this post to comments, but as always you can feel free to email me... rachael {at} imaginegnats {dot} com.
